July 4, 2023

I need to eat more often. When I wake up, I’m already jumping at the bit to get going. I’ve got no deadlines to meet or people to see. One of the greatest things about the summer months is the freedom to do what I want with my time. But, I’ve overcome with a false sense of urgency, a need to get moving, to make up for the time lost during the last ten months.

I don’t eat until the evening. This morning I woke up fairly early, 9 am. I got out of bed at around 10 am. I made coffee, wrote my morning pages, and set to work outside on the balcony at around noon. I have not idea how that all took me three hours. In any case, I wasn’t feeling hungry before going outside so I set an timer for one hour to remind me to go back inside and eat before continuing. I didn’t come inside until 5 pm.

I forget that I’m hungry. It’s like going grocery shopping without a list. Same as when you walk through the isles and everything looks tasty, as soon as I start eating, I’m hungry again and want to shove food into my mouth. Without a list, you’re bound to forget something, and when I’m not eating, I know I’m missing something but can’t put my finger on it.

I don’t cook in advance of being hungry. My cats will pester me at 7 am and 7 pm for food. That’s when they eat. How they keep time without a clock and the changing lengths of the days is a curious mystery of nature. I can’t keep time with four alarms on my phone, a sunrise alarm clock, and a watch always on my wrist. Still, I should know that I’ll be hungry soon. I could prepare a meal before that happens. Instead, I wait until my stomach feels tight from hunger. Then, I cook. By the time the meal is ready, I’m no longer hungry. I’m tired.

I’m bothered that I’m gaining weight. My gut is growing. My pants are snug, as are my shirts. I can see folds in the skin of my torso. It started on my back, around the lower part of my rib cage. The skin folded over itself. Now, skin flops down over my belt. More than how it looks, I don’t like how it feels. Eating healthy and properly would certainly help regulate my body weight but I’m more focussed on what’s in front of me than I am my long-term goals.

The summer is a good time to start a new routine. The wonderful thing about the summer is that there aren’t any real restrictions placed on my time. I can try different things, like eating a breakfast before starting work. I can go grocery shopping during the day and prepare a meal in the evening. I can even eat a warmed lunch. I should take advantage of this time.


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