June 3, 2023

I’ve come to really enjoy my weekends. They seem to be when I get to spend time doing what I want to do, largely uninterrupted. I’m starting to try to pack too much into my weekends, though.

This morning, I woke up at around 6:30. I couldn’t fall back asleep but knew that I’d be taking a nap in the afternoon. I was excited to get outside and get to work on my six-board chest. It’s really all that I wanted to do today.

During the week, I set four alarms just to get me out of bed. Even then, I’m still running late most mornings. That motivation to make something of my days has dissipated. It’s a shame, really, because my job can be great. I enjoy working with my students and I like watching them grow. All the other bullshit is drowning out that pleasure.

On the weekends, though, I find myself a little more invigorated. I see potential in the day. Rarely do I get done all that I want to but I still make progress. 

I want more of my days to be like this. It feels a shame that waking up during the week is such drudgery. Why can’t I embrace the better side? Why does the negative weigh so heavily on me? Even after I’ve gotten home, I spend most of my time preparing for the next day, which has started taking longer. When I do sit down to do the work that I want to, I’m too tired to focus. I need to rid myself of the day before I can concentrate. There just isn’t enough time during the week nights.

I did get to work on my six-board chest today. It took longer than I was hoping it would. I made a few mistakes, cut myself, and am still developing my skills. I enjoyed all of it, though. The instructions are incredibly confusing to me but figuring them out is a challenge not an inconvenience. There’s plenty more work that needs to be done before the chest will be done but I’m up for it. The day ended when I came inside for my nap.


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