May 6, 2023

Casey Neistat talks about ADD in one of his recent videos. The way he describes it, as the ability to hyper focus but unable to commit to anything long term, resonated with me. I feel like that’s how I am, too.

To say that I have ADD or ADHD probably wouldn’t be wrong but I don’t have a diagnosis and our world has conditioned us into being dopamine seekers. I’m concerned about the number of habits that my phone suggests I repeat based on the time or my location. I regularly do things that produce no result. For example, I’ll check to see if I missed a notification because my phone hasn’t notified me of anything. Tapping the screen to check brings me a sense of relief.

What I’m trying to get myself to work on is being calmer and more consistent. I want my business to grow but I don’t put in the work consistently. I also don’t have an effective workflow. I complete tasks in fits and spurts. Every list I make seems to disappear so my to-do list lives in my head. To keep it breathing, I have to go check on it regularly, like a Tamagotchi. It’s a waste of energy that could be easily rectified.

My iPad was supposed to save me. I got it thinking that I’d make real use of it. It’s incredibly powerful and cumbersome. Every time I open it, I relish in its potential while I check my email for the hundredth time, knowing full well that I’m not going to reply to anything. I’ve downloaded apps that can increase my productivity, collect and manage my notes, edit and publish my photos and videos, and teach me how to code. They’re organized into folders placed selectively on separate screen pages. I never turn off “Do Not Disturb”.

It feels odd to be routine-driven yet inconsistent. Small changes to my routine are disruptive until they’ve become habituated. Changes I’m forced into making, like when school was rescheduled to start an entire half-hour earlier, I adopt to more quickly. The changes I’d like to make for myself, like waking up earlier or actually doing yoga, take much longer to make.

Is there value in embracing my idiosyncrasies and harnessing the power they have, as Neistat suggests in his video? Or, do I make incremental changes toward becoming more adept at completing tasks in the way I envision them being done? I suppose, it doesn’t much matter so long as I’m okay with doing whatever it is that I am doing.


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