April 26, 2023

I’m not quite sure what the word is that I’m looking for. It could be “aggravated,” or “aggrieved,” even. “Unsettled,” captures some of it, but, then, so does, “indifferent.” There’s an amazingly long scroll of words running down the inside of my forehead right now. They’re mostly synonyms.

What I really want to do with this unlabelled feeling is reframe the parameters of its purview. I want to start seeing the opportunities that exist in front of me, instead of all the potholes, constructions zones, and traffic that’s currently driving me nuts. The lens that I’m currently looking through is murky. Surely, there’s a lesson in all of this.

It’s other people and my interactions with them that are grinding me down. I feel as though people have become entirely self-serving and have lost an awareness of others. People seem to be endlessly in need of something but never have enough to give to others. To get what they want, people will exploit your weaknesses and force your hand.

Thinking about it now, I’m thinking that maybe I’m not feeling seen. If it’s true, it’d be in both the literal and figurative senses.

“Invisible,” would be the right word to describe that feeling.


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