7 Years

Seven years have passed since February 1, 2008. My very good friend died seven years ago today.

Yesterday, as I do each year, I went to a mosque to say a prayer for him. I don’t know what else to do to commemorate the occasion. This year, however, it was a little bit different.

This year, while I was sitting and listening to the prayer service, I started thinking about what it used to be like when I did go to mosque. I stopped going about 12 years ago. I was thinking about what my life used to be like, and wondering if it weren’t better then.

I remembered breaking down into tears when I heard his name announced as a deceased member of the community, seven years ago. My dad was sitting next to me. If I’ve ever been in a mosque, I’ve been sitting next to my dad.

I remembered why I started Letters’ Lounge. It was for times just like these – when you want so badly to say or write something to someone who you can’t say or write anything to. Mind you, that person doesn’t need to be dead.

I remembered how much more outwardly emotional I was. For those of you who know me, imagine what I was like then. Tragic.

I remembered how I didn’t drink or smoke, and that I was physically active. I used to be diligent in my work, despite the fact that I napped just as much then as I do now.

I remembered how I used to be a lot more concerned about my appearance and made a real effort to look nice. I didn’t always have the greatest sense of style, but an “A” for effort ain’t too bad.

I remembered feeling comfortable in mosque.

I wasn’t comfortable while I was sitting there last night, thinking about my past.

What was really strange was that I had to keep reminding myself why I went to mosque while I was there. I wasn’t thinking about my buddy as much as I was thinking about myself. I guess that’s just how it goes though.

It’s not that I’ve stopped thinking about him, but I don’t as much. The unfortunate truth is that there isn’t anything new to think about with regard to him. I’ve thought about all that I can of him.

Anyway, I’m going to try going to a mosque on a regular basis, in conjunction with my attempt to practice meditation. I figure I don’t have anything to lose, except for the time I probably would’ve wasted. More on this later.

For now, if you knew Nash, it might just be a good time to think the same things you’ve always thought about a great guy who was gone too soon.


3 Responses to “7 Years”

  1. faultlessfinish Avatar

    My thoughts are with you, Aly. And all the best with the meditation – I’ve been trying to get in the habit of doing so first thing every morning, with very positive results.

    1. Bernard Avatar

      Hey Rachel!

      Thank you very much.

      We’ll see how the meditation thing goes. I’m not going to place too many expectations on the outcome. Do you have any good resources for information about meditation?

      Hope all is well across the pond. I’ve been enjoying your posts.


  2. faultlessfinish Avatar

    Most of what I’ve learned about meditation has come from yoga classes, though I also did a guided Deepak Chopra meditation online once. The trick for me has been small steps – I tried meditating for longs periods of time when I first started, and would get so frustrated that I never wanted to do it again. Start with five minutes, then move up in small increments from there.

    And thanks so much for reading 🙂

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