Visiting my folks always brings back a flood of memories. This isn’t the house that I was born into but it is the one that I left. Even still, it’s full of things that remind me of all of my past.Continue reading “My Favourite Drinking Glass”
I had my first drink two weeks before my 18th birthday. The last drink I had was two weeks before my 38th birthday. 20 years, almost to the day. It took me that long to figure out my relationship with alcohol. In the end, I had to put the glass down.Continue reading “Why I’m Going Sober, without all of the details”
One-million-year-old teeth were found in Siberia. They are from a mammoth who, presumably, didn’t floss daily or visit a dentist even once in its life. To suggest that any animal from the Pleistocene epoch had any sort of dental hygiene regiment is laughable. But, still, their teeth survived.
Whenever I go to a dentist’s office, I’m reminded of one particular visit from my teenage years.Continue reading “An Unexpectedly Exciting Visit to the Dentist”
Have you ever learned something about yourself that suddenly explains so much of your life? It’s the type of revelation that comes too infrequently, the type you wish you had more of. In a flash of brilliance, your worldview changes. You feel like you’ve walked out of a hall of mirrors and are stood in front of just one, recently wiped down with Windex. All you see is your reflection.Continue reading “A New Perspective, Three Beliefs, Worry, and Anxiety”
The coming of spring is a better time to celebrate a new year. December and January are too cold. The world is hibernating then. In the spring, the grass is greening and buds grow like pimples on trees. Parties become more fun in adolescence.
Today is Navroz, the new year for many people of Persian descent. I like these types of dates because they mark a clear end and beginning: yesterday was the last day of winter and today is the first day of spring. It’s definitive. This sort of structure gives the illusion of delineation in an otherwise uninterrupted continuity.
Coming nearly three months after the December-January new year, Navroz is an opportunity to assess your progress toward your goals. It can be likened to a first-quarter review. This is a good time to adjust your goals now that you’ve had some time to settle into the year and have a better sense of what it’s going to be like.
It was wrong to attach so much hope and promise to this year because it’s no different from any other year. It’s just time. This year has the same qualities and function as does any other time. But, 2021 had greater expectations placed upon it because we expect more from ourselves after how we spent our time in 2020. We externalised our responsibilities in an attempt to relinquish the burdens that they bring with them.
The world outside of us is continuing to do what it always has done. Nature has a clarity of purpose that allows it to adjust well to changing circumstances. Nature remains true to itself in all instances. The growth of a potted plant is limited not by its purpose or intentions but by its circumstance. If moved to a bigger pot, a plant will grow larger, filling the space that it has room to occupy. In each pot, small or large, it’ll survive by making do with what it has available. The size of a plant is not a measure of its purpose or intentions.
Too often, we stop growing because we become aware of the size of the pot we are in. We see our potential and decide that the limits placed on it are too great, stopping us from continuing to stay true to our intentions and purpose. We don’t make the most of what we have. But, more than that, we blame our boundaries for our inability to work toward them.
These demarcations of time are a fresh watering. They are both cleansing and nourishing. They have the potential to revive a wilting spirit. They are a reminder to stay true to your nature. They are not an expression of hope or promise for something more. We alone are responsible for the fulfilment of our intentions and purpose.
This type of work is much easier to do in the spring.
On the fourth night, I was rubbing my head with both hands, watching myself crying in the bathroom mirror, asking myself, “What the fuck is going on?” I had no idea what I was crying about. A few minutes before, I was watching TV, trying to relax after the workday.Continue reading “I Burnt Out Three Weeks into the New Year, After 18 Months”
For a couple of months now, I’ve been looking to buy myself something, just to spruce things up. I’ve looked at cameras – too expensive. Fitness equipment – waste of money. Air purifier – open the windows. Lego – sold out. Every idea I’ve had hasn’t been good enough. Until this morning, when I saw an automated indoor garden.Continue reading “Purchasing an Automated Indoor Garden Reminded Me That We’re Still Able to Grow”
My watch is powered by light. It’s a Citizen EcoDrive. I got it almost 13 years ago. A few years ago, I needed to change the battery so I sent it in for repair. This weekend, it kept flashing, “CHRG.”Continue reading “CHRG: A watch more self-aware than a candle is or I was”
My confusion seems to be growing in proportion to the length of the days. It could also be that my clarity is linked to the length of the nights. Either way, I’m having quite a time putting this puzzle together. On top of this, or maybe because of it, my body seems to be experiencing the physiological equivalent of cognitive dissonance. All day, I’ve been hungry but haven’t had an appetite.Continue reading “Hungry with no appetite”
My dad called this afternoon after he heard the news about Ontario increasing restrictions to help prevent the further spread of COVID-19. I thought the announcement happened at one o’clock in the afternoon; I spoke with him at around three. Maybe the news took a while to get to him. We are in different time zones.Continue reading “The city is like bread and the stay-at-home order in Ontario”