Video Diaries

For a while now, I’ve been trying to figure out what unique perspective I can share with the world through video. Over the summer, I was posting videos on YouTube of me running around Toronto taking pictures. I tried doing a few reviews of pens and different tech before that, but those didn’t really work out. Actually, nothing that I’ve posted on YouTube has really worked out.

It’s cool, though. I keep telling myself that I just have to keep trying until I figure it out.

Most recently, I’ve been thinking about posting videos of me just rambling on about what I think about different things. People do that. I do it. I just haven’t posted the videos.

Writing has always been my go-to method of expression. When I need to figure out what is going on inside of my head, I write it out. But, lately, it hasn’t been enough. Or, it’s been too much. Thinking about what to write next is harder than just saying what’s on my mind.

I’ve started recording video diaries and I know exactly why.

See, a diary is private. It’s easy to say whatever I want to and not worry about who is going to hear or see me. My hair is usually a mess, because I’ve just woken up from a nap. In the videos, the quality is the best that I can make it. The audio is about as good. I don’t have studio lighting but I have decent microphones. The videos turn out to be okay, if “okay” is just me talking to camera.

One of the biggest challenges in my life has been figuring out how to tell a good story. Storytelling is a skill that I admire more than many others. Being gorgeous hasn’t been enough for me. That I can’t sing has also held me back.

I keep thinking that someone will one day stumble across the videos and put together a retrospective. I’ve watched retrospectives of people I’ve found interesting for things they’ve done. And, I’m always surprised that they took the time to film (yes, they were analogue) themselves. They had the wherewithal to talk to camera.

Ah, the vanity.

I’m not immune.

In one of Dave Chappelle’s specials – I think it was the Mark Twain Award – he talked about the importance of being an artist. He said, or I heard, that it’s important to create art so that others can understand themselves through your expression; artists create understanding.

In this light, it’s not vain, it’s necessary.

As a person predetermined, predisposed, or impulsive about sharing his opinion, views, and thoughts, I can’t help myself. I have to. Holding my tongue leads to internal bleeding.

I keep trying to decide on the one way that will satisfy my…quell it…satiate the necessity…stop me….

All of the failure to be famous is overshadowed by the desire to keep trying to understand what I’m searching for by reaching out, presenting myself. For at least the last year, I’ve been trying to figure out why I started this blog, some eight years ago. What did I intend for it to be? Where do I want it to go? What was it supposed to be? Why don’t I post more than I am?

All it is is my space in the world. It’s the one place that I have control over. It’s a place where my name isn’t attached to what I write. It’s my attempt to create understanding.

…If only I could figure out how to tell a good story.


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