Ten Weeks, or Maybe Twelve

I lost track a while ago, but I think that I’ve been at home for ten weeks now. It might be twelve, but that depends on whether I’m off by two weeks or not. What I’m sure of is that I’ve been home for far too long.

There was a time in my life when I couldn’t wait to go out. That was all I needed to do. Staying home for this long is uncomfortable. My back hurts, my wrists are sore, and my eyes twitch. The four or seven streaming services that I have access to don’t have enough content to keep me entertained. I could read books but it’s never quiet enough in my head for me to focus. I also have a job. I leave to get groceries but the lines are too long sometimes and I just turn around and head back home. I end up paying the cost for shopping at 24-hour grocers.

I have goals for 2020. Really, I wrote them down and everything. I made a calendar so that I’d keep myself on track. I didn’t map out the year, but I mapped out a few weeks. I was heading somewhere. I was ready to make waves. Change my world; make it better. I wanted 2020 to be the year that I put myself out into the world, more than I already had.

I lie. My list of goals isn’t terribly ambitious. It exists but it’s not unmanageable. I don’t want to make waves, I just want to do things that are interesting to me. I was supposed to get married this year but that’s not going to happen anymore.

Did you know that I live with two cats who will sleep in all of the same places and eat all of the same food and then shit in both of the same boxes but can’t stay in the same room? Did you know that one of them is toothless and diabetic? What about the fact that the other has problems with constipation or a blocked urinary tract? The vet can’t figure it out and neither can I. I never once thought that I’d be relieved to see a blood glucose level below 18, which is still high, nor did I think that hearing the sound of a cat pissing in sand would cause me to stop and listen.

This is my life now. I live at home. My desk is a dinner table.

I once dated a woman. On our third date, I picked her up from work and brought her to the nearest Best Buy. I was contemplating buying a pair of noise cancelling headphones. I didn’t end up buying them then because I was heading to Calgary in a month and thought I’d save on the tax.

The headphones have proven indispensable. We didn’t date for very long.

I’ve been considering buying a new pair of headphones. It’d be nice but I really don’t need them. The ones I have work quite well and they do exactly what I need them to. Plus, it seems to be a never ending cycle…there’s always something better in the market.

Besides, I’ve been saving up for a wedding. A new pair of headphones is almost the equivalent of four reception dinners. People talk at weddings.

If only I could tell you how much I’ve spent on vet bills in the last few months. Seriously. It’s been insane.

Last year, right around now, but maybe a couple of months back, I bought a new laptop. It was really expensive. It cost almost $3000. I don’t like it much and have been looking at new computers for at least the last six months.

The vet can now purchase a new computer. Maybe two.

But, it’s really come in handy lately. I’ve been at home a lot, much more than normal and I’ve been working remotely. I’m definitely putting the computer through its paces. My changing interests mean that the computer has to adapt to unpredictable expectations. The webcam it comes with is garbage. So is the keyboard. With some patience, I’m able to do everything that I want to with it.

I started getting back into photography. In an act to quell some of my boredom, I used loyalty points to help buy a new camera about two weeks ago. Maybe three. I haven’t had the one I bought last August for even a year but I still bought a new one. It’s not better. Probably on par. It does different things better.

Did you know that I have a YouTube channel? I make videos of me talking about different things. The videos are really just blogs posts in person. I publish them on the same schedule that I do these posts. Intermittent. Sparingly.

I want to make a podcast. Seriously. I think it’d be cool. Not like leather-jacket cool but ice-cream-cup-with-wood-spoon cool. It’ll probably feel as good as stopping in at Pizza Pizza for a slice on your way home from work.

I have a great microphone for it. No joke. I went out and bought a microphone before there was nowhere to go. I made a video about it and published it on my YouTube channel.

I have three YouTube channels. Each has a different purpose. I also have two different websites. I have a third but it’s one that I keep thinking I’ll finally get to. And, I have two different podcasts. I used to have a flickr account but I can’t remember the login information and neither can Chrome or Keychain.

I’d hate for you to start thinking that I’m prolific. I’m a dreamer, you know. I have grand visions of what I’ll do with my time.

I usually sleep late.

Do you remember when “Amazon Prime” meant something?

Ten or twelve weeks ago, I would have seen this as a blessing. I would have told myself, ”Imagine, just imagine, what you’ll be able to accomplish with the time that you’re being given! All of the things that you’ve ever wanted to do, even that book you meant to finish two years ago, after you didn’t finish it six years ago…you can finally write it.” There are so many things on my to-do list, and it keeps growing. Shit, I could have produced the six episodes of the podcast I want to make by now. Twenty-five books in a year, fuck, how come I’ve only read six? Why isn’t a post like this coming out every single day? Hell, there should be a photo book just waiting to be printed. Let’s not mention the collection of short stories that’s supposed to garner interest for the upcoming novel.

Life, right now, is too quiet. Every conversation that I have has to do with what is keeping us all inside and afraid right now. There isn’t enough noise to make waves.

I still have my ever-growing to-do list but I keep waking up just a little bit later every day. On the days when I do wake up early, I make up for it with a nap in the evening. My laptop chugs along, and I use my iPad and Chromebook when I can. We had to upgrade our internet package. I started a podcast that I publish on every workday – thirty-some episodes now. The pictures that I have posted to Instagram have met with some love. One of my YouTube channels is growing slowly. The cats can get to within eighteen inches of each other before the one who has trouble shitting pounces and the diabetic one hisses toothlessly before running behind the couch.

We went for a short drive this afternoon, just to pick up some plants. Some herbs, peas, and strawberries that we’re going to try to grow on our poorly lit balcony. On our way home, she said that she wanted to go dancing, that she wanted to plan a night out dancing with our friends. I laughed her off.

I’m anxiously waiting our postponed first dance. It was supposed to be ten weeks away, maybe twelve, but it depends on if I’m off by two weeks or not.


Leave a Reply