I hope that this doesn’t turn into a diatribe about my poor self-image. It’s really meant to be more of a brief reflection on why it’s difficult for me to accept compliments, which I get from time to time.
I don’t trust compliments. I feel like whoever is paying me one has a hidden agenda. I always think they’re trying to weasel something out of or from me.
But, when I deliver a compliment to someone, it’s done with sincerity. I don’t want a compliment or a favour in return. Truly, I (usually) think that the person deserves to hear what I think they’ve got going for them.
Why can’t I accept compliments? Surely, there are kind people out there with sincere intentions.
I really think that it’s because I’m too close to myself. By this, I mean that I can measure my actions against my intentions. I know what I’m thinking and what I’ve thought before. I know when I’ve done something different than I had intended to. I know when a compliment doesn’t match my perspective.
Instead of changing my perspective to include the view of the compliment, I zoom in a little tighter so that it’s out of the frame. I don’t want anything to mess up my picture. I suppose I have to decide if I want to capture the world as it is or create an image of the world I want to see.