Every day, I’ll have multiple interactions, sort of, that’ll remind me that I am a nobody to somebody. It could be in the hallways at school when I’ll pass a colleague who doesn’t seem to notice me, looking straight ahead to the distant stairwell. It’ll definitely be while I’m on the road when someone willfully forgets that there are other cars around. It could be at the grocery store when someone puts themselves between me and the shelf I’m looking for an item on.
Once, at a barbershop down the road, someone walked in and sat in the chair ahead of me, explaining that they had been there earlier but left to take a phone call. I had been waiting for nearly half an hour. I now go to a place that takes appointments.
Daily, I remind students to show appreciation and say, “Thank you.” It’s harder for me to call staff out. Small gestures like these could prevent big problems later on.
Worse than being unacknowledged is being useful to someone. Why do people suddenly care about my weekend when they need something? How is it that the same person who walked blankly by me yesterday has time for small talk and a request today? Why is being kind to one another a tactic?
I’ve developed many of these same attributes. I’ll ignore hearing my name being called down the hallway and test the car’s width when I’m feeling particularly aggressive on the road. I’m curt with folks all the time. The other day, I just pointed to the sign for the washroom and walked through where some guys were loading a delivery truck. I’ve started refusing to move when people are walking toward me inattentively or too assertively.
I feel guilty and apologetic most of the time but that feeling is fading in favour of rationales. This shit is quid pro quo.
This type of individualistic thinking is troublesome. It is what leads to seeing others as less than. When we elevate our individual selves in this way, our perspective changes. It becomes easier to understand how the atrocities taking place the world over are made possible. It’s a self-reinforcing position to take: I use you to get something I want, which takes something away from you, leading you to seek retribution, so somebody else gets pinched. The cycle repeats.
It seems too simplistic a solution to not have already been thought of, that of simply saying hello to the people we come across, that’ll lead to a more peaceful coexistence. What if doing the right thing, or a nice thing, left you rewarded instead of jilted? What if the advantage was not being taken but given? Even a simple head nod would be a step ahead.
Instead, we’ll keep our eyes down, ahead, or looking straight through until we see what we need in someone else. I’ll do the same and you should, too.
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