Cleaning is a hard, dirty business

For the last few days, I’ve spent at least four hours each day cleaning my apartment. If I’m being honest, I don’t mind a bit of mess. In fact, a little bit of mess lets me know that I’m accomplishing something else. I get a bit uncomfortable when things are spotless. I can put on a pretty good show when my family visits me, but they know it’s a farce. I think they appreciate the effort.

Anyway, I reached a breaking point. My apartment simply got too messy. Walking through my apartment became a bit of a maze for Riel, signalling me to the necessity for change. So, I started cleaning.

This is Riel’s WTF look. I get the stink eye often enough from him and sometimes I know why.

It’s now 3:50 am on Friday morning and I’ve been sitting in my chair, sipping on bourbon, watching Maron for the last couple of hours. It’s a good show, giving me hope that I’ll be an interesting enough 50-year old man for a beautiful 30-year old woman to love. If I can have that much kind of sex when I’m 50, I’ll definitely need to start a daily stretching routine. The bourbon, Four Roses, is quite good, too.

Much of what I’m trying to accomplish is culling paper. I’ve got coffee stained documents, stacks of acid worn notes, unsent love letters, and unopened envelopes from the bank taking up space in dusty boxes in every corner of my apartment. That I’ve moved three times with this shit is incredible. Now that I’ve decided to make a strict effort to stick around here, I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that I need to let it go. I pulled out my single sheet, single-sided scanner, installed Scannable on my iPad, and pulled up Evernote on my computer in an effort to digitise any papers that I think are important. After getting the documents onto my computer and into the cloud, I put them in a pile to be shredded by my cross-cutting, 6-page maximum, 3-minutes of continuous operation, and 15-minute cool down time shredder.

It’s now 4:12 am.

I’ve got a bunch of clothing that needs to go, too. I’m struggling with getting rid of some clothes because I’ll then need to replace them. I don’t want to go shopping. But, I’m so committed to the idea that I emailed (Facebook Messenger) my high school girlfriend to find out how to get rid of them in an ethical and environmentally friendly way. She’s into to that sort of thing and proves to be a great resource whenever I need help. Did you know that H&M has a clothing recycling program? She did.

The problem with doing a full sweep of my apartment is that I have to pull out shit that I haven’t thought about in years. While I’m seeing some progress, I’m still stepping over the fallen broom, stacks of pseudo-organized (by periods of failed attempts at further organization) papers, and desk lamps just to take a quick pee when the bourbon has finished with me. Many of my electronics are unplugged, and I can’t always find the cord I need to plug in my i-devices.

It’s now 4:31 am.

I was able to carve out enough room in my bedroom to roll out my yoga mat and go through a < 30-minute stretching workout at 11 o’clock last night (Thursday) on my Men’sHealth app. It took me 22-minutes to get through and I was dripping with sweat. The workout is meant to help keep me injury free. I took a photo of myself afterward. I’ll upload a montage at the end of the summer, assuming that I’ll commit less than 30 minutes a day to keeping fit.

I want to be like Maron, without the moustache and soul patch. Mostly, I just want to be able to perform for a youthful audience and still be appreciated. I’ll have to finish cleaning my apartment before I invite anyone over.

It’s now 4:54 am.


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