A couple of things I learned today…

I learned the word “perseverate”. It means to keep doing something long after whatever caused it has stopped.

I also learned that emotions can be habitual. As in, we have feelings because we’ve developed a habit of feeling them. This one was a bit of a shocker to me. To think about it, it makes sense. But, when you haven’t thought about it, it’s a bit destabilizing when you learn it.

I’m constantly surprised by how much control I don’t have over myself because it feels right to think that we are in control of ourselves.

The Languishing Unwritten Story

The last time I was on a plane, I finished reading First Person Singular by Haruki Murakami. It left me feeling light. The stories themselves felt unapologetically unsophisticated; I wanted to find meaning in the short stories that I’ve come to believe simply isn’t there. The stories in the book are simply that, stories. And, they’re wonderful.

Continue reading “The Languishing Unwritten Story”

I started writing a letter

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to write. It feels like it’s been much longer than it should be. The pattern of my words is disjointed.​

But, tonight I fell into a familiar rhythm. After work, I stopped by the liquor store.

The lights are low, there’s familiar music playing loudly enough, and a beer’s sitting on a coaster. There’s a candle flickering. All of the things are in the right place.

This is where I come to write.

I’ve kept enough space for a good while now. I had to. I should’ve declined tonight’s invitation.

I started tonight’s writing with a letter that I’d love to send but never will. As I was writing, it stopped being a letter. It became an airing.

It’s more interesting to read than this post.

See, I want to be able to write when I’m sober but I can’t. I wrote a post about how it’s possible, but I was lying to you and to myself.

I want to be able to write when my words aren’t being swept into the spillway.