I’ve got about half an hour to type this up tonight. I’m heading out to a social event on a Friday evening. It’s rarely good for me to break my routine.
It’s incredible how routine driven I’ve become. I used to think of myself as a happy-go-lucky person, willing to change direction with the passing breeze. These days, if things change, I’m less than happy about being flexible to accommodate.
I like to dedicate my Friday evenings to writing. I don’t dedicate any other time to it, really. It’s more than just writing, however, it’s time to myself by myself for myself. Writing is the excuse; the exercise is catharsis.
By the time Friday afternoon rolls around, I’m quite close to just being done. Done with standing. Done with listening. Done with talking. Done with interfacing, to use a consulting term. I’m done with thinking outside of myself. I start to get jealous of the people who have taken up my energies throughout the week.
Friday evenings are rejuvenating, in a sense. It’s when I can solve some of the problems that have come up for me. It’s time to reflect on what interests me most, which, currently, is me. It’s how I prepare myself for what’s upcoming.
I like the predictability of it. I like knowing how consistent it is. It’s stable.
When things change, and I’m invited to a dinner at lunch, I get anxious. Before the time has arrived, I feel like I’ve lost it. It’s no longer available to me. It’s suddenly become unpredictable, unstable.
It’s good, though. It’s good for me to shake things up. I need to be more social, there’s no question. My sister reminds me of the difficulty and necessity of this during almost every conversation we have.
We, humans, are social beings. We need to interact with the world. We need to create in the world. We need to be productive in society.
We are also reflective beings. We need time to engender the world in which we live. We need the resources that enable us to make sense of our experiences. Strangely, none of this is possible without others.
So, somewhat reluctantly, I’m heading out tonight. I’m sure it’ll be a great time when I get there. Tomorrow, too, I’ll be out. I’ll be staying in next weekend.