Day 11 of 30

The writing was on the wall, my Facebook wall, and it read, “You should smile more!” Being cautious even at the suggestion provided by stop signs, I was given pause upon reading this.

Is it true that I don’t smile often enough? Am I not as jovial as I should be? Is my frown in need of being turned upside down?

From an early age, I’ve been able to wink with both eyes. With each eye, it’s a slow, laboured wink, unable to make a woman swoon. While it remains a novelty, I refrain from ever attempting to express my adoration for someone with a wink.

Even without a sultry wink, I’m pretty certain that I was able to smile nicely. I’m confident in this because there was a point in my life when people used to confuse my religion with smiling. They would say things like, “This is Bernard and he is smiley.” This might also be a result of the fact that one of my nervous twitches resembles a smile.

When I scroll through my Instagram feed, it’s clear that I don’t smile often in pictures. There are only two pictures in which I’m smiling and, in both, I’m doing so hesitantly. My Instagram account dates back over three years, so it’s a good sampling over a significant period of time.

Could this be why I’m not doing well on Bumble?

I can’t think of the last time someone took a photo of me. Maybe I’m not smiling in my pictures because I’m taking a picture of myself? Maybe I’m not smiling because there’s nothing to smile about?

Surely, I must smile during the day, when the cameras are off. I wonder if it’s just a closed lip smile, vaguely signifying my pleasure at seeing someone. It can’t be a large, toothy grin that conveys joy; I don’t often run into people during the day who bring me teeth-bearing joy.

Thinking about it, I’m sure that I used to smile a lot more throughout the day. I used to have more ups and downs, sure, but my baseline must’ve been higher.

What’s happened? Could it be that I’ve gotten better at winking?

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