Can I Send Myself an Email?

I really should be doing homework, but what I really want to do is write a letter to somebody and tell them what I’m thinking about. I want to sit down in a pub, with my laptop, and write a letter. Well, I guess I’d be writing an email.

I wouldn’t mind writing out the letter by hand and mailing it, but, tonight, I want to write an email. You know, one of those long-winded emails that I’m accustomed to writing. It’ll drag on for parts of it, it’ll be concise during others, and it’ll be all about me. I’d use a dictionary and thesaurus regularly, because I want to use words that don’t come to mind but better capture what I’d like to say. I’d even re-read the email after I finish each paragraph, to ensure that it has some semblance of flow.

Eventually, I’d give up on writing the letter, because I’ll have had too many drinks, and that’s when I’d send it. I’d write up a short salutation, and invite the addressee to forgive me for clamouring on about myself. I’d remind the addressee that there is no need to respond, but to respond if the desire takes hold. I’d finish the email off by wishing the addressee well.

But, I can’t write an email such as this tonight. There is nobody to write to who may want to read it. Besides, an email like the one I’m talking about is really only for me. I often write to others when I should be writing to myself. I don’t really want to read an email of this sort either.

Self-reflection is a very difficult thing. It’s hard to come to terms with how bizarre you really are. It’d be really nice to think that I’m all harmonious and whatever, but the reality is much different. It’s much easier to throw yourself over to somebody else and have them come back at you with something, whatever that may be. It’s much easier to respond to yourself when you’re filtered through somebody else.

This is probably why my collection of short stories is not getting any closer to completion, and why my novel is still a mess of ideas on disorganized and scattered sheets of paper. This is also probably why I like keeping a blog – the gratification achieved through completion is more immediate.

I still like letters because they have a targeted audience, but, like any good performer, knowing your audience is key to success. And, sometimes silence is the best way to communicate.

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